Polyvagal Theory Made Simple: Why Your Nervous System Responds the Way It Does.

Have you ever noticed how your body reacts before your mind has time to catch up? Maybe your chest tightens before a difficult conversation, or you shut down completely when life feels overwhelming.

This is your nervous system at work. And one of the best ways to understand it is through something called Polyvagal Theory, a framework developed by Dr. Stephen Porges that helps explain why we react the way we do, and how we can come back to feeling safe and connected.

Your nervous system has one primary goal: to keep you safe.

It’s constantly scanning your environment, both inside and outside of you, looking for signs of safety or danger. This happens automatically, without you even realising: a process called neuroception.

The way your body responds (whether you feel calm, anxious, or shut down) is your nervous system’s attempt to protect you. Even if it feels unhelpful at times, it’s your body doing its best. This is why you might find yourself reacting in ways that don’t “make sense” logically, but make perfect sense to your body.

To make polyvagal theory easier to understand, therapist Deb Dana came up with the image of a ladder. Each rung represents a different state of your nervous system. We move up and down the ladder through these states.

🟢 Top rung: Safe & Connected (ventral vagal state)

Here, you feel calm, grounded, and able to connect with others. You might laugh easily, think clearly, and feel present in your body. This is where we thrive, and where healing happens.

🟡 Middle rung: Fight or Flight (sympathetic state)

When your body senses danger, it kicks into survival mode. You might feel anxious, restless, angry, or on edge. Your heart races, your thoughts speed up, your body is getting ready to run or fight.

🔴 Bottom rung: Shut Down (dorsal vagal state)

If fight or flight doesn’t work, your body may move into collapse or freeze. You might feel numb, disconnected, exhausted, or hopeless. This is your body’s way of conserving energy when things feel too overwhelming.

Supporting your nervous system

You can’t force your nervous system to change, but you can offer it gentle cues of safety. This might look like:

• Breathing slowly when you’re anxious

• Grounding through your senses when you feel overwhelmed

• Reaching out to someone you trust when you feel alone

• Movement (a walk, stretching, dancing) to release fight/flight energy

  
  

These small shifts can help your body climb back up the ladder, step by step.

A gentle reminder

None of these nervous system states are 'bad' or 'wrong'. The goal of the nervous system is to keep you safe. With awareness, compassion, and the right tools, you can help guide it back to safety.

If you’d like to learn more practical ways to work with (not against) your nervous system, I do this in my work with clients, I share resources each month in my women’s circle, The Regathering, and in my email community. Check out the links below to find out more.

The Regathering - monthly women's workshop & circle

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S.W.