Things nobody tells you about grief - Part Two

This is part two - you can read my first blog here: Things nobody tells you about grief.

Not knowing how to live without them...

Life can feel like it comes to a standstill when we lose someone we love. We don't know where to turn or what to do next. You are forever changed when you lose somebody you love and it is normal to feel like a hole has been left in your life that cannot ever be filled again. And nobody can replace that person, but we can learn to fill that void with memories, meaning, purpose and life as time goes on and as we work through our grief.

Regrets for all the things you didn't do or left unsaid...

Everyone says "live life with no regrets!" but that's just not always possible. When we lose a loved one, we are often left holding onto a bunch of thoughts, words and emotions we never even thought of when they were alive. We wonder, "Did they leave knowing I loved them? Did I tell them and show them enough?" It is common to be left feeling regretful for all the things you didn't do, or the things you left unsaid, even if you were on great terms when they left.

Living with deep, soul-crushing regret for the things we said or the choices we didn't make in the past won't support the healing process so please seek out support if these feelings linger for a long time and if they start to impact your life negatively.

Be gentle on yourself as you navigate through all these feelings - they aren't wrong, they are a part of your grief journey - many of us experience these! Just as long as you work through them and don't stay stuck here.

The fear of losing their voice or their laugh, and then years later realising it's happened.

This was a big one for me - Jaye has been gone 17 years now and she passed before the age of smartphones, endless selfies and video recordings. Facebook was still fairly new so she didn't even leave much of a digital footprint behind. All we have are photos, her journals and our memories. There are a couple of grainy videos floating around of her being silly, but none of her just talking and smiling in her regular voice. I remember this being something I was concerned about early on, and it's been just another thing I've had to learn to accept. As is the journey of grief...

There may be many fears that arise when you are on your grief journey. Don't push them away or discount them as silly. Feel into them, allow them to work through, journal, cry, or talk to someone about it.

The seemingly small things don't feel so small when it's all you have left.

Your other relationships start changing...

This is a big thing that nobody talks about. You are forever changed by the loss of a loved one and this starts to shift your worldview, your sense of self, and your priorities - therefore, impacting your other relationships.

Maybe it is with someone who is also grieving the same person - you may have had a different type of relationship with the person who has gone and that impacts how you interact now that person is gone. Or maybe it's just friendships that don't feel supportive any more.

As you bravely navigate the complexities of grief, be kind to yourself, and acknowledge the difficulties while embracing the power of hope. May you find solace through understanding that even in the darkest moments, there is a path forward - just take it one step at a time, one day at a time.

And if you need support you can book a session here.

S.W.

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